Never One Without Two

“Is everything ok?” I asked.  “I was wondering how long I could get away with not saying anything...There are two!  Two heads!  See, there and there.” The technician flipped the sonogram screen toward me pointing to two heads.  I’ll admit my reply was filled with profanity (lol). My response was full of emotion and shock.  I had already reached 20 weeks gestation so this news was  a whole new ballgame.  I was happy, scared, emotional and from that moment my life would be different.  Different in so many ways. At the end of September 2014, I knew I was pregnant...I just knew.  I felt different and I was tired and nauseous.  I tested positive before I was even due to test.  Looking back now, it makes sense.  Since I was carrying twins my HCG levels were likely much much higher.   After my 20 week sonogram we met with my OB and received the news of the abnormality in Isaiah’s brain.  We were followed closely...

“Its your reality Gena.  Be ok and be thankful for what you do have instead of focusing on the negative.”  “Are you using your breathing techniques?” “You should get out!  Go for a nice long walk, it’ll help.”  “What would your fairy godmother do?”  “Are you eating properly? Are you taking care of yourself?  To be a good Mom, you have to make sure you’re taking care of yourself first you know...”  Everyone in my life, including myself say these things  in hopes it will send my butt in the right direction.  Somedays it helps me over a hump.  Other days you want to throat punch the person giving you advice. You just wish they could be in your shoes for one day.  Just to feel it all and be with your thoughts. The truth.  No, I’m not always  accepting my life for what it is lately.  I’m not always breathing properly when I’m anxious.  I’m not taking care of myself and I don’t want to go for a damn walk....

That moment when you realize your child’s diagnosis is far worse than you originally thought.  It was almost as if I couldn’t catch my breath.  Like someone was choking me.  I cried as if someone had died.  It sounds harsh, but trust me when I say that’s how it felt.    I always knew Isaiah was special.  From the moment he was born, I knew my boy was going to be somewhat different and not live a completely “normal” life, that was my Mom gut instinct.  He was born at 32 weeks gestation weighing 3.14 pounds.  His identical twin brother Liam was born second, weighing 3.12 pounds. Isaiah was born with fluid on the brain, medically known as Hydrocephalus.  He was surgically shunted at 3 weeks of age to relieve the pressure on his brain.  Over the following 10 months he’d have a rollercoaster of a time with that damn shunt.  I honestly don’t recall a lot from that time frame.  But when I reflect and see photos I do know t...