Meaningful Memories

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Never one without two...The story behind my blog title has a special meaning and as I sit here camp fire, I feel the need to write.  My journey with identical twin boys and the way they make my heart so full.  This weekend, for the first time I am away with Liam while Isaiah spends some time with Grammy.  It’s a first for all of us and I must admit it feels both strange and special.  Isaiah is my exceptional boy, with special needs.  Earlier on this month I made the decision to let Isaiah hang back from time to time, with respite care or family while Liam could experience more.  So he could have uninterrupted fun and just be a kid.  He was way too sheltered and has been missing out on some things as Isaiah would take all of my attention and time.  Never one without two, the title came to be a long time ago as I realized it was in fact always the two, Liam and Isaiah together.  Imaginary conjoined twins you could say.  They were basically joined at the hip.  What I’ve come to realize over time is my acceptance of what is, was standing in the way of them being individual and experiencing things on their own, most importantly allowing Liam to experience things on his own.  Today Isaiah spent hours at the beach, probably his favourite place in the world.  My mom described his joy screams as the waves hit his face and I couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear.  He was just fine enjoying one on one time with Grammy.  Liam had a fun filled day of swimming, jumping, hay rides, slushies and was able to do so with zero interruptions.  He had Mommy all to himself.  What I’ve learned from this experience is that most of these changes and new adventures are much harder on me than them.  The realization is that it is for me to work through and get used to.  My anxiety has been off the charts all day, but I know my boys are both perfectly fine and content in their own separate ways.  My goal for tomorrow is to be more mindful of Liam’s happiness and enjoy every single second of his giggles and smiles.  Signing off, a Mom who is still learning every single day.
  

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